A GRATEFUL CHILD is the greatest gift of all.....

He asked me if I think he is going to be a great dad someday (he hopes and wishes to be) and I think he will be.

Last week he thank me for upbringing him and his brother and the way he was taught what he learned in his almost 15 yrs in life. He is very grateful of all his good deeds and thoughts and mild mannered and non combative way of dealing with disagreements and problems. He is able to decipher others characters and manners to be that off putting and embarassing and totally different with him. Most of what he saw with other students or teens is very different in how he would have handled any situations. He is really thankful that he is not like those boys who are angry, disrespectful and hurtful to others.

I really wish he remained a mature, honest and patient person with loving, hopeful and charming disposition in life.

I just wish most kids will be inspired by his attitude towards life and all people. I am blessed with four boys and this boy blesses my life more with his constant gratitude for my role in his life...that, itself, is the greatest gift a child could have ever given to his parent or any person who tirelessly took care of him.

CHRISTMAS GIFTS AND ALL!!!

A day of frustration and loneliness...

Today was a pretty messy day for me. I mean emotionally. I wasn't feeling well. Eddo and Eddi's attitude did not help at all.

I was not able to go to church and my friends invitation because of of the dizziness and light headed am feeling. Just like most mother will do, I did not let that stop me from doing my laundry duties and some cooking.

I asked my kids to fold the laundry and yet they still continue to play
their video games...which is about 3-4 hours by then. I got so upset and feeling more sick because of their attitude of refusal and still playing as they wish.

I cried and cried and cried in my bedroom and started to feel this incredible loneliness. I have been taking care of them by myself for 10 yrs now. I felt like I have been taking care of many people and many things and nobody love and want to take care of me. I was feeling so down and tired and just surrendered. I am so frustrated ,I felt like I am such a bad mother and that they did not learn anything good from me.

Am I being dramatic? Am I just exaggerating? Am I just depressed? Maybe a mix of all and more. I just want to be loved and cared for, for once. I have been working in service industry and I serve and serve and serve at work ,with family and others. I needed to feel reciprocated, appreciated and love. I cried so much and I was heaving with loneliness.

That was 4 hours ago. I feel better now but my loneliness is still in my heart. My kids will grow and love me again. For now they hate me for being mom. They must learn and realize that growing up means taking and having more responsibility in life. It is taking care of themselves for themselves and being more helpful,useful and flexible in getting into sharing the chores at home.

This road is making me weary in my journey but this road is the only road I shall and can take for now to be more stronger and hopefully better parent and partner for my boys well being.

My Pet Peeves with Canadian Government

There was a show tonite that i just watch...about criminals coming in here in Canada with many cases and yet still able to be a Canadian Citizen with all his fraud papers. That is where my anger lies. This country won't allow my kids to be here just because of no mention in their names in my application coming here. They should have been here with me as a tax paying Canadian Citizen with no Criminal records or intent as well as my kids having good and clean records have not been allowed(REJECTED) to come here and be with me. I am hurting until now and I am suffering of this government decisions that they can not be here as I am not their mother in those papers.

How come they are allowing criminals, gangs and politician who have harmed their people in their country come here and become Canadians? How come they denied me of my right to be with my kids here in in this country which I now call home for 10 years? How come I felt stabbed by the same country I thought I should feel so grateful for?

This is where i based some of my belief that life is unfair and it can suck big time. Some people makes a decision that will alter the lives of like us who waits for their ,hopefully, fair and justified
view that a Canadian Citizen can have their real family migrate here. I can't dwell in the past but this is my present and it's hard for me to be reminded everyday that my kids are back home not because I can't have them here but because "they" won't have them approved to come and be with their mother and brothers.

Christian's Dog Bites and my distance

I was so upset and worried and when I learned about my son's dog bites.He is in need of many anti rabies injection and I am praying for his strenght and safe recovery.
It was one of those things I have to be burdened and feel so useless because of my distance with them. I am not allowing myself to celebrate and be so joyful when my son is in medical need. I learned about it a at about 2am on halloween day. I did not tell this to Eddo and Eddi so as not to upset them too on the day there is supposed to be so much fun for them. When we finished trick or treating that night only did I told them in between my crying about the demise of my dog Brighty and their brothers emergency. They were sad yet trying to cheer me up. Eddo just wanted their brother to be here. I just wanted them alright...in their life.

Characters I wish and Hope My Kids will Instill

Character Quote

A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson


Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.
-- Dale Carnegie



Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
-- Helen Keller



Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude, and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.
-- Author Unknown



Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught.
-- J. C. Watts



Character, in the long run, is the decisive factor in the life of an individual and of nations alike.
-- Theodore Roosevelt



Character is simply habit long continued.
-- Plutarch



Character - the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life - is the source from which self respect springs.
-- Joan Didion



Character isn't something you were born with and can't change, like your fingerprints. It's something you weren't born with and must take responsibility for forming.
-- Jim Rohn



Character, not circumstance, makes the person.
-- Booker T. Washington



I have no regrets in my life. I think that everything happens to you for a reason. The hard times that you go through build character, making you a much stronger person.
-- Rita Mero



No change of circumstances can repair a defect of character.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson



Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands
-- Anne Frank



People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson



People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt



Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open.
-- Elmer G. Letterman



Sow a thought, and you reap an act; Sow an act, and you reap a habit; Sow a habit, and you reap a character; Sow a character, and you reap a destiny.
-- Charles Reade



Talents are best nurtured in solitude, but character is best formed in the stormy billows of the world.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe



The best index to a person's character is (a) how he treats people who can't do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can't fight back.
-- Abigail Van Buren



The depth and strength of a human character are defined by its moral reserves. People reveal themselves completely only when they are thrown out of the customary conditions of their life, for only then do they have to fall back on their reserves.
-- Leonardo da Vinci



The farther behind I leave the past, the closer I am to forging my own character.
-- Isabelle Eberhardt



The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out.
-- Thomas Babington Macaulay



The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do.
-- John W. Holt, Jr.



The way a man plays a game shows some of his character. The way he loses shows all of it.
-- Author Unknown



Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
-- Author Unknown



You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe



You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one.
-- James A. Froude


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Take it..prin it...put it in your wall...and be reminded everyday that having a solid character is same as experiencing mostly being out of trouble, out of debt,out of misery and out of agony.
Helen

Holding On

I'm now in the midst of filling up boxes that I can send home for my boys Glen and Chris. I have to send them some groceries,chocolate,magazines and clothes as a little present and ease from my absence in their lives for many many years. I know it will not compensate on my not being there. I do what I can with what I have right now. They have grown so much mature because of our part alienation together. They are still and will remain my children although I was not a mother for them for a long time. I have many regrets and I have many failings yet I try to be there in whatever way I can. I trust we can all still be a happy family in the distance. They love me yet their eyes showed their pain and affection in mixed bag of confusions.

I am not clear if Glen goes into his class diligently but I trust him. I am not sure if Chris Is doing himself a favor by improving on his skills and looking for a school to enroll and go back to school and look forward in graduating yet i trust him, too.

I have been away with them but my thoughts everyday is just as vivid as waking up everyday and thinking what to cook, what to wear and what to accomplish for a day. They are my kids who am so proud to talk about. They have been in and out of school but i never ceased to believe them to find their own pot of gold. Their education, faith in God and respect to people and animals, love to their family are a great traits they can always carry in their hearts. I believe them even when maybe there are times they don't believe in themselves..

I asked my boys here to always look after their brothers...even long when I am gone. I believe that as long as we breath things are possible to come up and change and surprise us for the better.

I always remind my kids to be solid together as no matter how many times other people would like to break us apart, we'll stand together hand in hand helping, supporting and loving each other fo as long as we live.

I wish thing could have been different but learning things this way is what made us all strong for ourselves and each other. We are seperated only if we think we are.

Have you made decisions that altered the life of your loveones as well as yours?
Have you done anything to get back up and try to pay for your absence and make new changes ?
Have you felt sorry for the immaturity of your past that made everything seems difficult today?
Have you learned your lessons?

I know I did and am doing what I can to regain my kids confidence in me and themselves. I was wrong then yet i will not allow that to drain me and surrender my faith and hopes for a better future with them. We are solid and true to each other. Holding on together is what saving us.
These boys are my past and present. My future can only mold to a better world with them in it...and me staying courageous and steady.

Movies and Books

I just came back from watching "Eagle Eye" with the boys and we all agreed that it is an exciting (thrilling every second) and very awesome movie to watch. Eddo suggested the ending should at least be ... the satellite continuing to announce that "upload complete" to which Eddi replied with disgust that it should not be that way but the ending that we saw which is just perfect. They have confidense of what they thought a movie should have been written in other ways. These boys are exposed to my encouragements of writing, playing music and reading. I listen to what they think and thought of what endings and plots should be. I see these 2 intelligent kids writing stories that
can turn into a book someday. For now a love letter for me is a complete novel itself.

We basically see big budgeted movies at least 70% of what is being shown every year in the comedy and action/fantasy categories. We can analyze, critique, laugh and cry when the scene calls for it. It has become a family tradition that for as a nice get together out...just like a picnic. It is our own escape, play and celebration. Eddo and Eddi loves these moments and days that we get to suspend our reality and feel the movie for us to enjoy it and make our money worth it's every penny. The pop corn and pop are all shared with gusto and we make it a world that is nice to come back to. After watching a film and see that our real world after all is better than that imagined many times, is a better place to live with our beloved people around us.

You...what tradition did you start for your family?

We picked a couple of books and magazines. I, always ask them to write and read. Writing and giving me a love letter is something i encourage them to write for me. It is such a marvel to read the feelings they have when i have failed to notice. Their writing made me know them more when there are things I did not know and reaqlize. They are getting into the scary unpredictble stage of teenager and any bumps is but a part of them and me learninga and growing together.

Do you know what your kids are reading or favorite books to read? Have you encourage them to write? It is a simple practice of "write what you know" and it will be a lot easier.

Phylosopher Eddi

Originally written on Sept. 27,2008 7:35am from my Beautiful Blog ( i thought this is more appropriate for this blog)

My son wrote a note about his personal history and I am amazed how great of a writer is he at 13. I made him known that I am very proud of him and that he should continue to write and always do it. When he was a lot younger, my routine to him is asking him to write me a love note or love letter. When he is angry ,I encourage him to write it down. I see some snippets of those note sometimes around the house. I am able to know him more when i read his piece about how he see things and how he feels.He is an incredible young man. Uniquely Eddi and every one who knows him will just nod their heads and agree that he is eccentric in his own clever and annoying way at times. He even diagnosed himself with ADD. I researched it and he was no way anywhere near the description but I always thought there is something really so different about him that it frustates his brother so much. My son have no OCD as i see it, he is not weird in things he does but he is unique in his decisions and learning methods and seeing the world at times. We fought for what he thought is the right way and the better way...when all he wants is to be the winner in the discussions and attacks on tackling chores the Eddi ways.He tells me he loves me and becomes quietly obedient when he learns he is wrong or misjudge the situation. He is an amazing literary genius in the making and my father who exuded in intelligence and philosophy would have been proud.I am blessed yet so much trial and frustrations will still be in the offing bringing up a smart philosopher of his own making. I am ready as i am proud to have him test my witts and parenthood.He is, afterall, doing what he knew he thinks is just and proper...the Eddi way.

Good Father

Last night, Eddo and I went to get his new prescription glasses. Going back home while waiting for the bus for 40 minutes ,he suddenly asked me if i think he will be a good dad.
I had a big smile on my face and happily and assured him he is going to be not just a good dad but a great one. I asked him why suddenly asked me this out of the blue(I always knew, though, he wants to have a family someday). He told me he wants to have a son like him(because he is so awesome..he told me so in his own words). I just smiled and laugh a bit and I said am so sure he is going be a great dad for hew is a great kid.

I am so happy and proud because he has told me before that he thanked me for his growing up the way he grew because i did a really great job. He sees me as a good mom who brought him up to be a good person and son. I am so joyful and yet I felt like I did not do the best and should have done more or tried more. He made me feel at ease with my parenthood. He is such a joy!

I thanks God for helping me make the most of what I have and I can. I thank God for my boys!

Culturalized

As it turned out, he did go downtown with his whole geography class. He mentioned many places where I have already brought him and his brother. He said he saw many familiar places.
As a Toronto woman with limited knowledge of my own city I tried to somehow explore those city streets with the boys.

I culturalized them in my own little way and let them see parts and bit and pieces of Toronto. Kensington, Chinatown and Queen St. West were among the streets we observed and did a few hours walk and shop. I brought them to watch "The Legend of Kungfu" in Royal Alexandra Theater two years ago. These little downtown sight seeing helps me to show them that Toronto has many things to offer and enjoy. They won't be so ignorant ,other than what they learn from their field trips from school. They know that subway is tricky but once you just try to look at directions you will get the hang of it. They were taking bus since they are in Grade 4 by themselves. Their independence is paying off. They are confident in traveling by themselves.
We flew and stayed to many countries such as Malaysia,Singapore,Thailand and the US.
I am confident that they will continue to love visiting many more countries as they grow up.

I culturalized them in terms of seeing,tasting and being in many places with many cultures that are amazingly intermixed beautifully. Now, that's learning!

Eddo on Field Trip

I learned today that Val's(my boss)' kids are at home and it's P.A. day. I felt suddenly in shock as my son Eddo went to school for his downtown field trip. Was he lying? Was he for the first time lied about not going to school?
I trust him and that I am hoping he told me the truth. He did not wear his uniform but i highly doubt he would lie to me just for going out with friends. I have no problem if he wants to go out with them it's the lies that keeps me on edge. He has always been independednt in many ways.
He even goes to work on Sundays and go home at about 9pm and I have total confidence with him. I pray to God to always guide and bless all my kids and that trust translates to their freedom of exploring the good of being teens and a young man. I will have to hear when he comes back. I trust him so much yet now because of the ensuing troubles with students and many young peopel surrounding the Toronto area, I will be more vigilanmt,ask more questions,gather more info and trust that he understand what is the reality of violence around us.
I love him but I am the boss of him. God made me his watchdog so i better do my darndest best to keep him real, safe, protected,loved and secure.

Today is a great day.
Thank you God.