A GRATEFUL CHILD is the greatest gift of all.....

He asked me if I think he is going to be a great dad someday (he hopes and wishes to be) and I think he will be.

Last week he thank me for upbringing him and his brother and the way he was taught what he learned in his almost 15 yrs in life. He is very grateful of all his good deeds and thoughts and mild mannered and non combative way of dealing with disagreements and problems. He is able to decipher others characters and manners to be that off putting and embarassing and totally different with him. Most of what he saw with other students or teens is very different in how he would have handled any situations. He is really thankful that he is not like those boys who are angry, disrespectful and hurtful to others.

I really wish he remained a mature, honest and patient person with loving, hopeful and charming disposition in life.

I just wish most kids will be inspired by his attitude towards life and all people. I am blessed with four boys and this boy blesses my life more with his constant gratitude for my role in his life...that, itself, is the greatest gift a child could have ever given to his parent or any person who tirelessly took care of him.

CHRISTMAS GIFTS AND ALL!!!

A day of frustration and loneliness...

Today was a pretty messy day for me. I mean emotionally. I wasn't feeling well. Eddo and Eddi's attitude did not help at all.

I was not able to go to church and my friends invitation because of of the dizziness and light headed am feeling. Just like most mother will do, I did not let that stop me from doing my laundry duties and some cooking.

I asked my kids to fold the laundry and yet they still continue to play
their video games...which is about 3-4 hours by then. I got so upset and feeling more sick because of their attitude of refusal and still playing as they wish.

I cried and cried and cried in my bedroom and started to feel this incredible loneliness. I have been taking care of them by myself for 10 yrs now. I felt like I have been taking care of many people and many things and nobody love and want to take care of me. I was feeling so down and tired and just surrendered. I am so frustrated ,I felt like I am such a bad mother and that they did not learn anything good from me.

Am I being dramatic? Am I just exaggerating? Am I just depressed? Maybe a mix of all and more. I just want to be loved and cared for, for once. I have been working in service industry and I serve and serve and serve at work ,with family and others. I needed to feel reciprocated, appreciated and love. I cried so much and I was heaving with loneliness.

That was 4 hours ago. I feel better now but my loneliness is still in my heart. My kids will grow and love me again. For now they hate me for being mom. They must learn and realize that growing up means taking and having more responsibility in life. It is taking care of themselves for themselves and being more helpful,useful and flexible in getting into sharing the chores at home.

This road is making me weary in my journey but this road is the only road I shall and can take for now to be more stronger and hopefully better parent and partner for my boys well being.

My Pet Peeves with Canadian Government

There was a show tonite that i just watch...about criminals coming in here in Canada with many cases and yet still able to be a Canadian Citizen with all his fraud papers. That is where my anger lies. This country won't allow my kids to be here just because of no mention in their names in my application coming here. They should have been here with me as a tax paying Canadian Citizen with no Criminal records or intent as well as my kids having good and clean records have not been allowed(REJECTED) to come here and be with me. I am hurting until now and I am suffering of this government decisions that they can not be here as I am not their mother in those papers.

How come they are allowing criminals, gangs and politician who have harmed their people in their country come here and become Canadians? How come they denied me of my right to be with my kids here in in this country which I now call home for 10 years? How come I felt stabbed by the same country I thought I should feel so grateful for?

This is where i based some of my belief that life is unfair and it can suck big time. Some people makes a decision that will alter the lives of like us who waits for their ,hopefully, fair and justified
view that a Canadian Citizen can have their real family migrate here. I can't dwell in the past but this is my present and it's hard for me to be reminded everyday that my kids are back home not because I can't have them here but because "they" won't have them approved to come and be with their mother and brothers.

Christian's Dog Bites and my distance

I was so upset and worried and when I learned about my son's dog bites.He is in need of many anti rabies injection and I am praying for his strenght and safe recovery.
It was one of those things I have to be burdened and feel so useless because of my distance with them. I am not allowing myself to celebrate and be so joyful when my son is in medical need. I learned about it a at about 2am on halloween day. I did not tell this to Eddo and Eddi so as not to upset them too on the day there is supposed to be so much fun for them. When we finished trick or treating that night only did I told them in between my crying about the demise of my dog Brighty and their brothers emergency. They were sad yet trying to cheer me up. Eddo just wanted their brother to be here. I just wanted them alright...in their life.