Take Your Pick...and Be it!

God is not calling us to run away from hardships. When we know our God, we don't have to run from things.JM

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I just passed another grueling hardship with my son. When everybody is saying and telling or suggesting for me to get tougher and kick their behind,I did what I know I need to do . My being evolved from  His grace and great schooling in life made me thrived and passed the fence of confusion,pain and disillusions.

I know no anger...and I know only forgiveness and letting go. I reacted and I did some  questioning but I never went through giving up  the hope for a good come out.

My son has come in full circle. He is making  amends. He is changed but not the same. He has grown and he decided that what he went through is something exciting. He thought it was awesome considering that his school life has been boring and uneventful. Funny thing is, I agreed. I know, too, that the devil played a big part on that and I crushed it. I won.

 He was  angry and spiteful  to me,his brother and father. I saw his pain through all his avoidance then. I talked to God everyday to clear my sons thoughts and touch his heart. I pass no real anger because I know it was a waste of good energy that I can use for faith and love  I can bestow to all my kids not just focused on him. I am not a perfect person but I perfected my handling of situations by not feeling my way through but trusting my gut and God that it is all just another small bump on the road of my life.

My closest friends knew what  happened and how I coped,handled and managed my life with these boys. For me, It was all an illusion and I knew what to make of it and how to vanish the doubt and remain sane and happy even with tears.

I am fulfilling this gift of deeper understanding and sharing to  all who may want to listen and hopefully grasp the idea of life...the reality of life...and the illusion that's in life. I am still a student yet departed from fear and doubt.

How about you and your testy situation? Are you surrendering?Are you angry to the point of giving up? Are you  feeling unheard and vengeful? Are you hurting so bad you can't see any positive thing to come out of it? Are you being attacked by the negative forces around your life?

The real question is are you in it or looking at it? 

 You see,  how you take it, effects your being...or not.

Collect yourself, think about it and come back.

Now, are you still crying...or just asking? 

Take your pick...and be it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

A new beginning...wishing all the best! 

My son's 18th Birthday today is something that makes me think much deeper about my kids future and mine. It has been a long journey and this is just barely a quarter of his life. I hope he returns to being as happy as much as enthusiastic regarding his schooling and music. It might be that  his health condition and gap from his brother contributed to his loneliness. I am stunned and confuse of what has been going on with my boys. 

I can imagine now how it must have been really difficult for my two boys when I left back home. I need to rectify most of what can be done yet their feelings are their own to heal and prepare for renewal and rebirth.

This is a new year and everyday is such a beginning that I wish and  hope they will take advantage of such opportunity to make new steps and erase any negative thoughts. It is the start and hoping never goes out of fashion...especially when everyone is wanting to  have another chance as much and as often as they can.

WELCOME and celebrate this New Year with another CHANCE OF NEW BEGINNING and  EVERY Waking day! FORGIVE AND BE MERRY!

HAVE A LOVELY 2012!

I had a quiet good Christmas celebration at home with my boys. It is a different vibe now that my youngest has become more distant, deeply eccentric and mildly disturbing ( playing piano sometimes till 1am and being angry /upset when asked to stopped).
The dynamics of my family had changed. It is sad yet I am not giving up...after all,  I am still raising them as courageously as I can.
I am sorting what I can with Gods help to maintain order and keep the love and faith to each other.
My visit  back home helped very little yet am so happy that I was able to bring him home with me.

My situation is difficult and frustrating at best. I know God is telling me to press on and always rely on him as I can never do it alone. May God's amazing blessing be known to my children as clear as the sky in summer.

WORTH Keeping, learning and passing to the next generation....

http://www.matchmove.com/news/article/a-fathers-message-from-beyond-the-grave

Pursuing Happiness with the Boys

Motherhood is definitely one of the main reason why I may be grounded and single. There is happiness in knowing that God will take care of the rest.

I am so comfortable with just me and the boys that no outside judgement, balancing and concern I must look out for, all the time. It is rough bringing up my boys by myself and that has become my best reason not to get into serious shenanigans and scandals of all sorts.

Our relationship at home is somewhat lyrical and celebratory with a touch of poignant delight,decisions and distraction. We fight yet we love and do what is good most of the time. We work independently but when we work together it is amazing to realize that I need them more now for chores and smarter decisions than when they were smaller.

Glen is my first born. Quite testy in his handsomeness and quick reasoning.He is sociable,witty and sentimental. He is a lover of all pretty girls and always get into trouble with them after a while. He is honest, frank and yet hides a multitude of secrets and doings. He is constantly mysteriously hiding from his own family and friends. He appears on occasions and he explains very little...as long as he shows up, we are delighted to see him back. As a mom, I wish him to be closer to Christian and talk/connect with family as much as he can.

Christian, my second and I consider my baby( like Eddi) is the quiet respectful one. He is an independent curious boy. He loves the organization, the quietness and the secret of his emotions. He is very musical and artistic. His sentiments is deeply protected that his anger can be  the end  of his relationship to whomever it directs to.He is a well dressed handsome young man and is  regarded by friends to be an amazing guitarist and person to be with.He keeps his relationship to himself, long term and constant.I wish for him to have weekly chats with Glen and do brotherly things together , in their free time.

Eddo and Eddi are continuously changing from good to grief, amazing to critical, loving to fighters, talking to trashing...and vice versa. They are doing great in school, being in gifted class, teaching other kids and being in honor role is such accomplishments,already. They go to school everyday with different mood and parting words but after the unpleasantness or discussions and disagreements (in the next hour or day)my favorite is when we say "I love you"  to each other and hug. I know that life is too short to be seriously mad and resentful. I do what I can after all  pursuing our happiness is pertinent to living our lives fully.