Holding On

I'm now in the midst of filling up boxes that I can send home for my boys Glen and Chris. I have to send them some groceries,chocolate,magazines and clothes as a little present and ease from my absence in their lives for many many years. I know it will not compensate on my not being there. I do what I can with what I have right now. They have grown so much mature because of our part alienation together. They are still and will remain my children although I was not a mother for them for a long time. I have many regrets and I have many failings yet I try to be there in whatever way I can. I trust we can all still be a happy family in the distance. They love me yet their eyes showed their pain and affection in mixed bag of confusions.

I am not clear if Glen goes into his class diligently but I trust him. I am not sure if Chris Is doing himself a favor by improving on his skills and looking for a school to enroll and go back to school and look forward in graduating yet i trust him, too.

I have been away with them but my thoughts everyday is just as vivid as waking up everyday and thinking what to cook, what to wear and what to accomplish for a day. They are my kids who am so proud to talk about. They have been in and out of school but i never ceased to believe them to find their own pot of gold. Their education, faith in God and respect to people and animals, love to their family are a great traits they can always carry in their hearts. I believe them even when maybe there are times they don't believe in themselves..

I asked my boys here to always look after their brothers...even long when I am gone. I believe that as long as we breath things are possible to come up and change and surprise us for the better.

I always remind my kids to be solid together as no matter how many times other people would like to break us apart, we'll stand together hand in hand helping, supporting and loving each other fo as long as we live.

I wish thing could have been different but learning things this way is what made us all strong for ourselves and each other. We are seperated only if we think we are.

Have you made decisions that altered the life of your loveones as well as yours?
Have you done anything to get back up and try to pay for your absence and make new changes ?
Have you felt sorry for the immaturity of your past that made everything seems difficult today?
Have you learned your lessons?

I know I did and am doing what I can to regain my kids confidence in me and themselves. I was wrong then yet i will not allow that to drain me and surrender my faith and hopes for a better future with them. We are solid and true to each other. Holding on together is what saving us.
These boys are my past and present. My future can only mold to a better world with them in it...and me staying courageous and steady.

Movies and Books

I just came back from watching "Eagle Eye" with the boys and we all agreed that it is an exciting (thrilling every second) and very awesome movie to watch. Eddo suggested the ending should at least be ... the satellite continuing to announce that "upload complete" to which Eddi replied with disgust that it should not be that way but the ending that we saw which is just perfect. They have confidense of what they thought a movie should have been written in other ways. These boys are exposed to my encouragements of writing, playing music and reading. I listen to what they think and thought of what endings and plots should be. I see these 2 intelligent kids writing stories that
can turn into a book someday. For now a love letter for me is a complete novel itself.

We basically see big budgeted movies at least 70% of what is being shown every year in the comedy and action/fantasy categories. We can analyze, critique, laugh and cry when the scene calls for it. It has become a family tradition that for as a nice get together out...just like a picnic. It is our own escape, play and celebration. Eddo and Eddi loves these moments and days that we get to suspend our reality and feel the movie for us to enjoy it and make our money worth it's every penny. The pop corn and pop are all shared with gusto and we make it a world that is nice to come back to. After watching a film and see that our real world after all is better than that imagined many times, is a better place to live with our beloved people around us.

You...what tradition did you start for your family?

We picked a couple of books and magazines. I, always ask them to write and read. Writing and giving me a love letter is something i encourage them to write for me. It is such a marvel to read the feelings they have when i have failed to notice. Their writing made me know them more when there are things I did not know and reaqlize. They are getting into the scary unpredictble stage of teenager and any bumps is but a part of them and me learninga and growing together.

Do you know what your kids are reading or favorite books to read? Have you encourage them to write? It is a simple practice of "write what you know" and it will be a lot easier.

Phylosopher Eddi

Originally written on Sept. 27,2008 7:35am from my Beautiful Blog ( i thought this is more appropriate for this blog)

My son wrote a note about his personal history and I am amazed how great of a writer is he at 13. I made him known that I am very proud of him and that he should continue to write and always do it. When he was a lot younger, my routine to him is asking him to write me a love note or love letter. When he is angry ,I encourage him to write it down. I see some snippets of those note sometimes around the house. I am able to know him more when i read his piece about how he see things and how he feels.He is an incredible young man. Uniquely Eddi and every one who knows him will just nod their heads and agree that he is eccentric in his own clever and annoying way at times. He even diagnosed himself with ADD. I researched it and he was no way anywhere near the description but I always thought there is something really so different about him that it frustates his brother so much. My son have no OCD as i see it, he is not weird in things he does but he is unique in his decisions and learning methods and seeing the world at times. We fought for what he thought is the right way and the better way...when all he wants is to be the winner in the discussions and attacks on tackling chores the Eddi ways.He tells me he loves me and becomes quietly obedient when he learns he is wrong or misjudge the situation. He is an amazing literary genius in the making and my father who exuded in intelligence and philosophy would have been proud.I am blessed yet so much trial and frustrations will still be in the offing bringing up a smart philosopher of his own making. I am ready as i am proud to have him test my witts and parenthood.He is, afterall, doing what he knew he thinks is just and proper...the Eddi way.

Good Father

Last night, Eddo and I went to get his new prescription glasses. Going back home while waiting for the bus for 40 minutes ,he suddenly asked me if i think he will be a good dad.
I had a big smile on my face and happily and assured him he is going to be not just a good dad but a great one. I asked him why suddenly asked me this out of the blue(I always knew, though, he wants to have a family someday). He told me he wants to have a son like him(because he is so awesome..he told me so in his own words). I just smiled and laugh a bit and I said am so sure he is going be a great dad for hew is a great kid.

I am so happy and proud because he has told me before that he thanked me for his growing up the way he grew because i did a really great job. He sees me as a good mom who brought him up to be a good person and son. I am so joyful and yet I felt like I did not do the best and should have done more or tried more. He made me feel at ease with my parenthood. He is such a joy!

I thanks God for helping me make the most of what I have and I can. I thank God for my boys!