Holding On

I'm now in the midst of filling up boxes that I can send home for my boys Glen and Chris. I have to send them some groceries,chocolate,magazines and clothes as a little present and ease from my absence in their lives for many many years. I know it will not compensate on my not being there. I do what I can with what I have right now. They have grown so much mature because of our part alienation together. They are still and will remain my children although I was not a mother for them for a long time. I have many regrets and I have many failings yet I try to be there in whatever way I can. I trust we can all still be a happy family in the distance. They love me yet their eyes showed their pain and affection in mixed bag of confusions.

I am not clear if Glen goes into his class diligently but I trust him. I am not sure if Chris Is doing himself a favor by improving on his skills and looking for a school to enroll and go back to school and look forward in graduating yet i trust him, too.

I have been away with them but my thoughts everyday is just as vivid as waking up everyday and thinking what to cook, what to wear and what to accomplish for a day. They are my kids who am so proud to talk about. They have been in and out of school but i never ceased to believe them to find their own pot of gold. Their education, faith in God and respect to people and animals, love to their family are a great traits they can always carry in their hearts. I believe them even when maybe there are times they don't believe in themselves..

I asked my boys here to always look after their brothers...even long when I am gone. I believe that as long as we breath things are possible to come up and change and surprise us for the better.

I always remind my kids to be solid together as no matter how many times other people would like to break us apart, we'll stand together hand in hand helping, supporting and loving each other fo as long as we live.

I wish thing could have been different but learning things this way is what made us all strong for ourselves and each other. We are seperated only if we think we are.

Have you made decisions that altered the life of your loveones as well as yours?
Have you done anything to get back up and try to pay for your absence and make new changes ?
Have you felt sorry for the immaturity of your past that made everything seems difficult today?
Have you learned your lessons?

I know I did and am doing what I can to regain my kids confidence in me and themselves. I was wrong then yet i will not allow that to drain me and surrender my faith and hopes for a better future with them. We are solid and true to each other. Holding on together is what saving us.
These boys are my past and present. My future can only mold to a better world with them in it...and me staying courageous and steady.