A day of frustration and loneliness...

Today was a pretty messy day for me. I mean emotionally. I wasn't feeling well. Eddo and Eddi's attitude did not help at all.

I was not able to go to church and my friends invitation because of of the dizziness and light headed am feeling. Just like most mother will do, I did not let that stop me from doing my laundry duties and some cooking.

I asked my kids to fold the laundry and yet they still continue to play
their video games...which is about 3-4 hours by then. I got so upset and feeling more sick because of their attitude of refusal and still playing as they wish.

I cried and cried and cried in my bedroom and started to feel this incredible loneliness. I have been taking care of them by myself for 10 yrs now. I felt like I have been taking care of many people and many things and nobody love and want to take care of me. I was feeling so down and tired and just surrendered. I am so frustrated ,I felt like I am such a bad mother and that they did not learn anything good from me.

Am I being dramatic? Am I just exaggerating? Am I just depressed? Maybe a mix of all and more. I just want to be loved and cared for, for once. I have been working in service industry and I serve and serve and serve at work ,with family and others. I needed to feel reciprocated, appreciated and love. I cried so much and I was heaving with loneliness.

That was 4 hours ago. I feel better now but my loneliness is still in my heart. My kids will grow and love me again. For now they hate me for being mom. They must learn and realize that growing up means taking and having more responsibility in life. It is taking care of themselves for themselves and being more helpful,useful and flexible in getting into sharing the chores at home.

This road is making me weary in my journey but this road is the only road I shall and can take for now to be more stronger and hopefully better parent and partner for my boys well being.