CHANGE is GOOD!

Eddo in the 2009 Car Show in Toronto

Eddi in his newly posterize bedroom side

one of our early summer walk 2 years ago

There are days that my kids and I seems to be in an uphill battle to prove who is wrong and who is right. They tell me, I am a drag and that a downer at times. Am I reacting my anger and frustrations to them in a negative way? Is there a real good 'anger' expressions that i haven't mastered or learned yet?

I thought I have learned what I can during these many years of being a single parent to these boys. I believe I have to reconsider new ways and tactics for us to have a middle ground of more peaceful and thrusting unit. I tend to be so mom and wants a quick response when I talk to them or ask anything.I realize I have to do some changes asap before we become embedded with searing anger and hidden hatred to each other. I thought raising boys should be partnered with some rougher disciplining and robust encouraging. I am right and yet I am wrong to assume they will just agree and learn from me.

They also want to see and feel the tender mom, the softer lady like mother with broader appreciation of their failings and frustrations. I have been toughened by my situation that I almost forgot I am a woman and my kids are turning into men.

I started to be gentler in the morning when i wake them up and sweeter when I come home from work. I have been controlling my tongue wagging sermon and giving them more sad look than anger face when I am upset. I have been waking them up more with delight rather than soldier style get-up-quick -or-you'll-be-late script in the morning. I surrender to any more frictions and ill feelings and irritating days of commanding my boys and myself. There is no winning in war when I am the only one waving the white flag. We are, all, in agreement that we will be more supportive, loving and trusting to each other. Yes, we may slipped once in a while but we remind each other if we are in that horrible unwelcome moment again i.e. Hey ! No fighting... just hugging. We are less defensive and less stressed.

Huh, if there is only an actual manual book for every individual mom, I might have escaped many tears and nervous breakdown. For now, this is what is working and hoping we can keep to it. They grow up day by day and will need a new kind of approach again. Until that day happens, I will bask in my family's greater acceptance and tolerance of each other's uniqueness and moody days. After all, not every one is blessed with four gifted boys.That makes me a very lucky mother, indeed.